


The Season of Love (and Drama)

by Harry1981



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Cookies, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Gen, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Modern Era, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:33:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harry1981/pseuds/Harry1981
Summary: When Bilbo's boyfriend Thorin had to return back home due to family and business issues, Bilbo decided to accompany him. After all, what is better than meeting his boyfriend's family at Christmas?Except...turns out things aren't that simple. Thorin is not out to his family yet, Thorin's mother Fris is far too cheery, Thorin's father Thrain always looks like someone fed him a lemon, Thorin's grandfather Thror is going through an existential crisis and believe their Dog is his wife reincarnate Freya, and Thorin's siblings seem to hate him and by extension, Bilbo.Bofur and Nori were right after all. This is a nightmare
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Bofur/Nori (Tolkien), Dís & Frerin & Thorin Oakenshield, Dís & Thorin Oakenshield, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 54
Kudos: 43





	1. The Beginning of a Drama

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't seen Happiest Season yet, but the premise was so cool and add to that Durin family drama and Thilbo and voila! you have this! I am so not sure how this story is going to be, and the first chapter turned out more dramatic than I hoped it would be, but well. The drama starts next chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo Baggins is a Literature professor and Thorin Durin is the head of Arkenstone Inc. They are in a relationship, and happy with their life. Things change when Thorin's family has a business issue, and instead of spending Christmas with his boyfriend, Thorin would have to head home.
> 
> Bilbo has a perfect solution.

The snow fell gently on the pavement outside. The few students who had a free period were laughing and playing, making snowmen and engaging in rather intense snowball fights. Others were content to hold a cup of Hot Chocolate between their hands and look out in the field. Some arms were interlinked, heads propped on the shoulders and laughter in the air.

Ori sighed wistfully. His head rested on his arm, looking outside the glass windows with a forlorn expression. If only he had someone, he too could do things like that. What wouldn’t he give to rest his head on someone’s shoulder, cheeks pink through snow and a cup of Hot chocolate in his hands.

“...and I want all of you to think about the colours in the room. What do you think it signifies?”

Against the callings of his heart, Ori turned to look at Professor Baggins. His spectacles were perched on his nose, his cardigan immaculate, his curls just in point. He looked around at the class with an expectant expression, but nobody said a word.

“Well,” he said after a long silence, “What I think is that the room shows us nothing.”

That earned him a reaction. Everyone sat up, confused and worried.

“Just as this room shows us nothing,” he said with a soft smile, “You all look dead. I have to say, I feel dead too. It’s a wonderful day outside and here we are discussing metaphors. All right, so here’s what we are going to do. Most of you have already sent me your first drafts- and it’s quite interesting to read. Some of you- yes, I am looking at you Mr Greene- still, need to submit your works. So, 23rd, which is a week away, I expect all of your submissions in my inbox. The only reason I am rushing this is so that you can enjoy Christmas in whatever way you want to. As for now, Class dismissed.”

There was a moment of silence when everyone looked at each other. Ori felt as confused as the rest of them, when Professor Baggins shouted, “Class dismissed!”

Everyone stood in unison and the room was filled with chatters and wishes of ‘Merry Christmas’. Ori gathered his book and stuffed it inside his backpack before making his way to his Professor. He was busy talking to a few other students but greeted Ori with a smile and a raise of a finger. Ori stood back with a tight-lipped smile, his fingers rubbing on the leather strap of his backpack.

Soon enough, it was just him and Professor Baggins in the room.

“Hello Ori,” he smiled widely, “How are you?”

“Well, Sir.”

“Indeed,” he said, pulling away his glasses, “I read your paper. Without giving away too much, allow me to just say I am looking forward to your final draft.”

Ori smiled hesitantly, “Thank you, sir, but I was here for something else.”

“Oh?”

“Well,” Ori pulled down his bag, rummaging through the contents. Bilbo Baggins continued to look at him with interest until he pulled out a small box, packed in green and red wrapping paper.

“Sharing gifts is sort of against the policy.”

“Oh, I know,” Ori said hurriedly, thrusting the box to him, “I was hoping you could give this to, um, Nori.”

His features softened, an understanding dawning on his face. Professor Baggins took the box gently, placing it over his bag, “Any message you would like me to pass along?”

“Just that we miss him,” Ori said shyly, “Dori and I, though he would never say that. Also that we are going away to the farmhouse these Holidays, so if he wants to...come, he can.”

Professor Baggins hummed, placing the Box inside his bag.

“Bofur’s welcome too,” he hurriedly added, earning a look from his Professor, “It’s just going to be Dori and me, so...”

“I will remember to pass on the message,” Bilbo said with a wide smile, “Now off you go. I will see you after the break. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Professor Baggins.”

* * *

Bilbo Baggins walked on the pavement with a wistful smile on his face. On his left shoulder hung the brown satchel he so loved, only with a square bulge that was new. He held two cups of black coffee and two cups of Hot chocolate. Walking through the street when various Christmas lights glimmered against the slightly dusky sky made his heart warm. Even the busiest of people who passed by him looked relieved as if the Christmas cheer was finally settling in.

Nobody stopped him as he walked inside the building complex. The security guard gave him a short smile and the guard near the elevator pressed the button for the fourth floor, considering how full his hands were. Bilbo thanked him profoundly before settling in the empty elevator.

It stopped on the fourth floor, and as soon as the doors opened Bilbo could smell the weird deodorant. It smelled like butterscotch and rose, and on that day something akin to cinnamon reached his nose as well. Bilbo rolled his eyes at the assault at his senses and walked in, nodding to the receptionist.

He first dropped by on the table where the large gruff idiot sat. The said gruff idiot looked like someone had pissed him off and that he was in a mood to kill. When Bilbo placed the coffee cup under his nose, he merely grunted, refusing to look up from his laptop.

“Dwalin. Seriously. Take a break.”

Dwalin grunted, “I need to show some sons of bitch how efficient we are at our work.”

“And you will, but seriously.”

“Don’t even try, laddie,” came a voice behind him. Bilbo turned with a sigh, “Is that hot chocolate?”

“Yes, Balin,” Bilbo smiled, handing off the next cup to the older man. Balin smiled gratefully at Bilbo, looking at Dwalin with an unimpressed stare.

“Thorin is no better,” Balin informed Bilbo, “He is a mess, more than ever. I think meeting you would do him good.”

Bilbo nodded seriously, “That’s why I exist, to make Thorin‘s life bearable. Inside his office?”

At Balin’s nod, Bilbo walked on. He gave one last look to Dwalin who seemed to curse under his breath and reach out for his coffee. It was late evening, and technically he shouldn’t be drinking caffeine, but they needed to finish their work in the next three days if they wanted to relax on the Holiday.

Bilbo pushed open the glass doors to find a scene he was most familiar with. Thorin was standing beside his desk, phone pressed between his shoulder and ear and he was shouting at whoever was on the other side of the call. His hair was pushed back in a pony and the beard looked uneven. His coat was thrown down at the couch, his tie loose and sleeves pulled up his elbows.

Thorin looked up when he heard the door open, and a smile spread on his face when he realized it was Bilbo. He raised his finger as Bilbo closed the door behind him.

Bilbo paid no attention to the man. He pressed a kiss on Thorin’s cheek and put down his coffee on the table. Leaving the man alone with his work, Bilbo walked on to the couch and pulled away his cardigan. Setting the satchel close by, he pulled out a book and his glasses before settling down comfortably. As Thorin continued to shout on his phone, Bilbo put on the Ear cancelling headphones and began to read his book.

He was halfway through the third chapter when Thorin sat down by his feet. Bilbo immediately pulled them close to allow Thorin to push back, and then put them back on Thorin’s lap.

“Bad day?” he asked, putting the book back on the table.

“The worst,” Thorin groaned, massaging his temple, “I don’t think people realize that we are humans and that we need holidays as well.”

Bilbo sat up, slowly massaging Thorin’s neck. Thorin sent him a grateful smile before pulling in for a kiss.

“How was college?” he asked, licking his lips.

Bilbo hummed, “College was good. By lunch nobody wanted to study anymore, so I gave them an early day. I wished everyone Merry Christmas, and Lobelia, being Lobelia, had to comment how I was once again ditching her Christmas party.”

Thorin snorted, “Do you want to go?”

“I would rather go back in the closet,” Bilbo said dryly, “Her party is all about pomp and show. I don’t want to spend Christmas around stuffy people.”

Thorin grinned, taking a sip of his coffee, “I am sorry, love.”

“Eh, it’s okay. Dinner?”

“In an hour?” Thorin said, checking his watch, “I just have this one more call to make and then I am yours for the evening.”

“Not all of it,” Bilbo said sadly, and Thorin smiled, “I really wanna spend all of Christmas with you.”

“And you will,” Thorin said, pulling in for another kiss. Bilbo smiled as he tasted the bitter coffee on Thorin’s lips, “All of it. Okay?”

“Okay,” Bilbo whispered, “Now shoo, off to work. I will search for good places. Wanna try something new?”

“Sure.”

* * *

In the end, Thorin and Bilbo ended up in the same restaurant with the same order every time. They laughed over some of the stupidest things Bilbo’s students wrote in their papers and whatever shenanigans Dwalin got up to over the weekend.

When the time came, they parted with a goodbye kiss and a promise to meet the next day. Bilbo knew Thorin would not get the time, so he would be the one to get to his office.

Getting back home was simple- Bilbo listened to some of the Christmas songs as he took the train and stepped out on his station. The walk to his apartment was not very long, but Bilbo could not wait to get back on his bed.

The Elevator had once again given up, so Bilbo had to climb three flight of stairs to reach his home. Thankfully, that was all. His roommates had already hung the wreath on the door and judging by the sound coming through the walls, they had already started on the movies.

Pushing open the door, Bilbo found Nori and Bofur cuddled on the couch, a heavy blanket thrown over their legs and a huge tub of Caramel popcorn sitting between them.

“Bilbo!” Bofur greeted with a wave, “you are home.”

“Like every day, yes Bofur,” Bilbo rolled his eyes, “Hello Nori.”

“Hullo,” the other man said, without taking away his eyes from the screen, “Sup.”

Bilbo put down his satchel and pulled out the box before walking up to the red-haired man, “Your brother sent this.”

To that, there was a slight shift in Nori’s demeanour. He looked at the box Bilbo held from the corner of his eyes, judging the contents carefully. The hand that crept out of the blanket was extremely quick and the box disappeared within moments.

“Thanks,” came a low answer.

Bilbo grunted, “Ori also offered for you to stay with him and Dori at your farmhouse, wherever that may be.”

“Kay.”

Used to Nori’s one-word question and answers, Bilbo move don to the kitchen. He was full, yes, but he wouldn’t say no to some tea before sleeping.

As he set the kettle on the stove, Bofur came in a somewhat closed off grin. His hair was wild, and his extra-long moustache hung on either side of his face with a bead. It matched his face perfectly.

“Nori had a bad day,” Bofur explained in a low voice. Bilbo nodded, going about his work, “I think Ori’s gift helped.”

“What was it about this time?” Bilbo asked softly.

“Same old,” Bofur said, leaning on the counter, “Missing family. He won’t say a word, but you know how he is.”

“I guessed,” Bilbo said, opening the tin of tea, “What are your plans for Christmas?”

“None so far,” Bofur shrugged, before letting out a feral grin, “What about you and Mr Grouchy?”

“He is not grouchy,” Bilbo said irritatedly, before looking at Bofur’s smug expression, “Well, we were planning for a simple Christmas this time. Just Thorin and I, at his apartment. Nothing extravagant.”

Bofur snorted, “Due’s loaded. You think he won’t buy you an expensive gift.”

“he knows I will reject it,” Bilbo strained the tea, “And anyway, we agreed on a price limit. He agreed.”

“Only took him two years to learn,” Bofur murmured, before sweeping the tea from under Bilbo’s hand, saying thank you and disappearing from the kitchen.

Bilbo huffed, pretending to be angry. But he knew how Bofur was- they weren’t friends from their teen years only to be unaware of each other’s habits. Pulling out another cup, Bilbo poured his own tea and added sugar as he liked it.

He did not need roommates, per se. His paycheck was enough for him to afford a nice suburban house and his parents were rich enough. But he liked having people, and Bofur and Nori were irritating at the worst of days and supportive at best.

Sighing, Bilbo leaned on the kitchen door and watched Bofur and Nori bicker about another movie’s poor choices. Later, he would settle inside the covers of his bed and call his mum and Dad who were enjoying a destination Christmas. The next day, he would spend the whole day in Thorin’s office, sharing lunch and dinner and perhaps chat a bit with Balin.

Life was good, Bilbo mused, as he took a sip of his tea.

* * *

When Bilbo entered Arkenstone Inc. the next day, he knew something was wrong. For once, Dwalin actually looked worried. Not angry, not pissed, just worried. When Bilbo went to him with his coffee, Dwalin looked up and thanked him, which was unusual at best.

Balin did not come to greet Bilbo. In fact, when Bilbo walked to his desk, the older man actually looked surprised.

“What’s wrong, Balin? Anything work-related?”

“Oh, no laddie,” Balin said with a strained smile, “This one’s more...private.”

Bilbo frowned. Balin did not have a ‘private’ life. He was a workaholic, and he had dedicated his life to the Company, helping Thorin. He did not have kids or family, and he was quite content like that.

“You should perhaps talk to Thorin.”

With a nod, Bilbo walked in the office. Thorin was sitting on his chair, his expression more troubled than Bilbo had ever seen. He even looked worse than when the Company had experienced a loss- Bilbo did not know the details, but he had guessed that it was bad.

Thorin did not notice Bilbo until a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up jerkily, settling down only when he realized it was Bilbo.

“What’s wrong?”

Thorin sighed, sitting up on his chair, “it’s...my Father.”

Thorin hardly even talked about his family. They had been close once, but over the years Thorin had barely talked to his parents.

“Is he sick?” Bilbo asked worriedly.

“Sort of?” Thorin said with a sigh, “He wants to divide the company.”

Bilbo blinked, “Between whom, exactly?”

“Himself, Balin and Dwalin’s father Fundin and our other Uncle Groin,” Thorin groaned.

“I thought the Company’s head was your grandfather. isn’t he alive?”

“Yes, he is,” Thorin said, “But he has been absent recently. We need to talk to dad, a divide would only lead to loss, God.”

“So talk to him.”

“It isn’t that easy!” Thorin said loudly, before lowering his voice and looking at Bilbo apologetically, “We need to have this conversation in person.”

“So you’ll have to go home,” Bilbo concluded.

“For Christmas,” Thorin added mournfully.

Bilbo hummed, sitting down on the table. He looked down at his boyfriend, running a hand through his hair, “I am sure it won’t be that bad.”

“I haven’t seen these people for five years,” Thorin said pointedly, “and I had told Mother I wouldn’t come. Now, going back on all of this...”

“I am sure it won’t be that bad,” Bilbo said with a roll of eyes. He had had a nice childhood, and the differences that existed in his family were smaller. Saying that he was no stranger to complex families, like that of Nori or even the fights that Bofur had with his own family.

“you don’t understand.”

“then explain.”

Thorin sighed, massaging his head, “It won’t be just me. My siblings would be there. Mother was quite open about how everyone was going to be there except me.”

Bilbo blinked, “Your younger brother, Frerin? The one who handles overseas business?”

Thorin hesitated, looking down, “We also have an older...sister. Dis.”

The name felt foreign as Thorin spoke, and Bilbo could not help but be intrigued, “you never mentioned her.”

“there was a fight,” Thorin said stiffly, “I haven’t met her- or him, in over a decade.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bilbo huffed, shaking his head, “And you don’t want to meet them?”

“It would be awkward.”

“Oh come on Thorin!” Bilbo cried out, leaning forward to cup Thorin’s face in his own. “It will be fine, they are family. I will come with you, okay?”

“You will...come...to meet my family?”

“Yes, is there a problem?”

Thorin gulped, “No...not really.”

“Then it’s decided,” Bilbo said with an air of finality, “You will go to your family for Christmas and figure this out. I will also get to see this dysfunctional family.”

Thorin looked sick at the prospect, but nodded nevertheless, “Sure. I will...call Mother and let her know. Excuse me.”

* * *

“Now that’s sudden.”

Bilbo ignored Nori’s muttering as he packed his clothes.

“You haven’t met these people before,” Nori pointed out, “They could be serial killers. Or worse, nice.”

As Bilbo glared at the red-headed man, he merely raised his hands in defence.

“They are Thorin’s parents,” said Bilbo, “how bad could it be?”

“You mean Mr Broody’s parents?” Bofur’s voice came from down the hall, “A lot worse, I assure you. Anyone who raised that man ought to be bad.”

Bilbo threw a sock in the other room. In return, a cackle could be heard in the house.

“Seriously, Bilbo,” Nori said pointedly, “You haven’t even talked to these people. They could be like, like Lobelia!”

Bilbo huffed, “I am sure they are not like Lobelia. And even if they are, fine. We will handle it.”

Nori sighed, his crossed arms dropping on his side, “Just saying. it’s very spooky.”

“Spooky?”

“Yes.”

Nori looked serious, and Bilbo was not sure whether to take him seriously or not.

“Anyways,” he said slowly, “It’s good that I am meeting his parents now. I will get their blessings. There will no changes in my plan.”

Bofur walked in behind Nori, putting his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. In return, Nori pulled down, causing Bofur to stagger. He glared at him, causing nori to give him a cheeky grin.

“What plan?” Bofur asked, ignoring Nori’s gleeful look.

Bilbo smiled brightly, looking at Bofur and Nori. They both shared a look- Bilbo only had that look when he was planning something stupid.

“I am going to ask Thorin to marry me over Christmas.”

Bofur blinked. Nori blinked.

“No,” they said, together.

“No?” Bilbo asked, confused.

“No,” Nori said again, “you can’t be serious.”

“Why do you wanna get married?” Bofur asked incredulously, “it’s a patriarchal form of control! You two would be tied together, forever.”

“Exactly,” said Nori, “you would never be able to leave him. What if you get bored, or want to kill him and take all his money and run away?”

Bofur opened his mouth, before turning to Nori with a frown, “Should I be concerned?”

“Of course not,” Nori said offended, “It’s not like you have money.”

“True.”

“I want to,” Bilbo looked at the two, “I love him.”

“So?” Nori asked, “Romeo loved Juliet, see what happened there?”

Bilbo frowned, “A, they also got married, and b, you know Shakespeare?”

“I am not stupid,” Nori said, offended, “And see? They got married and then died. Bad example.”

Bilbo huffed, “Exactly. I know hundreds of successful marriages, even gay ones. If he says no, it’s all good.”

Nori groaned, looking at Bofur for help. The other man sighed, “If anything happens, you are gonna call right?”

“Obviously. But I am sure it won’t be until a few days later.”

“Sure,” said both Bofur and Nori, but they sounded as unsure as they felt.

* * *

The Durin family lived in the town of Erebor. They had a huge home in the suburbs, with a garden and a backyard. The house was decorated with artificial snowmen, Christmas lights and ornaments everywhere. The snow settled down on the grass was beautiful and it looked like a perfect home for Christmas.

Dwalin and Balin had gone off the previous day, and Thorin decided to drive to his home. Bilbo agreed, excitedly chattering about everything. They would reach on the 21st, giving Bilbo enough time to settle down and buy gifts for everyone. Thorin was no help in that department. In fact, he was quite sullen the whole way. Bilbo brushed that off as anxiety- after all, if he met his family after five years, he would be nervous too.

When Bilbo saw the Durin Estate, he fell in love. He wanted to jump out and greet Thorin’s mother, make snowmen, cosy up on the porch with Thorin and spend the Christmas happily. The drama that they would have Thorin would deal with.

Before Bilbo could open the door, however, Thorin clutched his hands. Bilbo turned, confused as Thorin sat with a frown.

“There is something you ought to know,” Thorin said stiffly, “before we go in.”

“Okay?” Bilbo looked around, unsure, “What, what is it?”

“So...” Thorin took a deep breath, running a hand over his head, “My parents are a little...conservative. And they have grown in the past few years, but, they can still be a little...too much.”

“Okay,” Bilbo said slowly. He had an idea where this was going, and oh he so did not want those words to come out.

But out they did come, and it froze him, “They don’t know I am gay.”

Bilbo let out a staggering breath. He settled down on his seat, his back suddenly feeling very heavy. He ran a hand through his curls, before turning to Thorin with a hopeful expression, “So you are going to tell them now?”

“No,” Thorin said, a little uncertain.

“Oh,” Bilbo said softly. “Who, then, do they think I am?”

“My roommate and best friend,” Thorin said seriously.

Bilbo nodded, lips pressed in a thin line, “And they believed you?”

“You would be surprised at how blind some people can be.”

Letting out a huff, Bilbo sat straight, looking at Thorin, “Why, why would you bring your roommate, to your home, for Christmas?”

“Because,” Thorin said slowly, “Your parents are no more with us.”

Bilbo blinked. Once. Twice.

“You killed my parents?” he said neutrally.

For the first time, Thorin turned to look at him with pleading eyes, “I am so sorry.”

Bilbo turned and sat back on the seat with a groan. He was so fucked.


	2. Meet the Durins!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frerin is here, so is Dis. So is Thror...and Bilbo is utterly confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your responses!  
> There are a few things I am nervous about for this chapter. Do read the end notes.
> 
> Also, TRIGGER WARNING:. Bit of transphobia. Sort of yes.

The door opened to reveal a middle-aged woman, wearing huge pearl earrings and a red pantsuit that was Christmas themed. She was as huge as Thorin, and Bilbo felt like a dwarf around her.

“Oh, Thorin!” she said with a huge grin that looked a bit maniac.

Thorin bowed as if bowing to a queen, “Mother.”

The woman merely huffed and brought Thorin in a bone-crushing hug, which seemed impossible until the moment. Thorin was flailing his arms around, hoping to get out of the absolute armlock he was in, but eventually gave up as his mother patted his back.

“It’s been so long!” she finally pulled back, holding Thorin at an arm’s length, “Oh, look at you.”

“yes, mother, it’s me,” Thorin wheezed, coughing slightly. Bilbo coughed slightly, biting the inside of his cheeks.

That, unfortunately, meant that the woman’s attention was turned to her.

Thorin took the chance to free himself and cleared his throat, “Bilbo, this is my mother, Fris. Mother, this is Bilbo Baggins, my friend.”

Before Bilbo could greet her, he was pulled in a bone-crushing hug. Which would not have been a problem if he was not so short and if his face was not being smothered by Fris’ breasts.

“Oh, you poor, poor boy,” Fris said in an overly sympathetic tone, “I am so sorry for your loss. Its’s never easy to lose them, and spend Holidays without those who gave birth to us.”

Pulling Bilbo back, Fris looked down at him with a hopeful glare, “Bilbo, we are your family all right? God has brought us together. You must never be afraid to speak.”

“Yes Mrs Durin,” Bilbo wheezed.

“Tut,” Fris said slightly, “It’s Fris to you.”

Bilbo looked at Thorin, all but glaring at his head while the other man continued to look around the decorations.

“Oh, look at me being a terrible host!” Fris groaned, before moving aside, “Come on in! Come on!”

The narrow corridor opened up in a lavish living room, something that looked far too expensive and not something that Bilbo ever wanted to destroy. The sofas were velvety, the pictures that hung on the walls looking like Renaissance paintings and they even had a fireplace. Fris thankfully led them to the corridor that came before the opening and to a dining area that was half kitchen. It was as big as the living room, with counter spotless and some women bustling around. There was a window on the side that let light in and a table that could accommodate 10 to 12 people easily.

Fris took a tray of water and offered it to both Thorin and Bilbo, before looking at them expectantly.

Thorin spoke up in the awkward silence, “So, where are the others?”

“Oh it’s just you,” Fris informed him, “You are the earliest.”

Thorin groaned, “I thought I was going to be the last one.”

“Well, Frerin had to handle the last-minute crisis, and...Dis’s Vili had some work so it would be just her for the time being. Your father is currently in his office, only to be disturbed when everyone is here and your Grandfather is walking the dog.”

“We have a dog?”

Fris blanched, “Oh, yes, you do not know about Freya.”

Thorin blinked owlishly, “The Dog is named after Grandmother?”

Bilbo tried to hide his snort. He really did. But it was far too much for his poor brain. Thorin glared at him, but Fris just looked worried.

“Are you all right, dear?”

“Yes,” all good,” Bilbo said with what he hoped was a straight face, “Just, can we go to our rooms? I really need to change.”

“Oh of course” Fris exclaimed, “Look at me, being all stupid. Thorin, I have cleaned your old room. Frerin and you re sharing.”

“Why?” thorin groaned, “I, I can share with Bilbo.”

“Oh, shush!” Fris said, swatting Thorin lightly. Well, lightly for them but it looked like a full-on hit from Bilbo’s point of view, “I can ask two grown men to share a bedroom.”

Thorin crossed his arms. Fris tutted, leading them both up the stairs, “Bilbo, dear, you can take the loft room. It has central heating so don’t worry. It’s just one more flight fo stairs. The only issue could be, well, Freya.”

“I still can’t believe you named a Dog after grandmother,” muttered Thorin.

He was ignored in favour of showing bilbo to his room, “What do you mean Freya will be an issue?”

Fris opened the door with a nonchalant expression, “Oh her ghost likes to haunt the room.”

Thorin frowned, “you are talking about Grandmother?”

“Obviously.”

Bilbo was not so sure about spending Christmas with his boyfriend’s dead grandmother.

The loft itself was spacious and quite beautiful. A small window over the bed had some snow settled, and it looked quite beautiful.

“Settle in!” Fris said brightly, “Come find me in the kitchen once you are done. Thorin, come on. We need you to see what all you have packed.”

Thorin groaned but followed Fris out of the room. But not before sending a sorry look to Bilbo. The younger man just shrugged, far too baffled to actually do something substantial.

* * *

Bilbo changed into a pair of soft yet good pyjamas, a pair of fluffy socks and a pullover that had a bright CHRISTMAS written in yellow cursive. It was not that cold inside the house, but he was not talking about any changes.

Before going down, he sent a quick message to his parents about the situation and changed their names from Mom and Dad to Bella and Bungo. His Mom just sent him a laughing emoji while his Dad sent him a thumbs up. Bilbo was not sure whether to be offended or relieved at their replies.

Finding his way back was not particularly hard. It was a simple way, and he did not even try to stop on the first floor. Reaching down, Bilbo entered the kitchen to find Fris directing everyone to cook the lunch.

She smiled brightly and settled Bilbo on one of the chairs. He blanched at being babied but kept a neutral smiling expression. He thankfully did not have to do small talk, because Thorin entered the room the very next second. He was dressed in a simple t-shirt and sweat pants, hair once again pulled in a ponytail.

If they weren’t at his parents’ place, Bilbo would have ravished his boyfriend then and there.

Thorin gave him a slight smile before settling down on the other side, just across Bilbo.

“So Mother, when are the other coming?”

It was as if someone had heard his pleas, for the very next moment the doorbell rang. Fris gave them a bright smile before all but skipping outside. Bilbo watched her go, and looked around to make sure the cooks were at a respectable distance, before leaning and saying, “You are dead, thorin Durin.”

“I know,” whispered Thorin, massaging his temple, “I am so sorry.”

“Oh, you should be,” Bilbo said pointedly, “The loft is beautiful, but I would rather not be alone there.”

Thorin’s cheeks turned pink. Before he could say something, however, loud voices could be heard from the door. Thorin pulled back, and so did bilbo, both looking at each other.

The man who next entered the door could not be more different than Thorin and Fris. Unlike their dark hair, this one had blonde hair, cut short like those of football players. (Bilbo had little to no knowledge of the sport.) He had an easy smile on his face, something lacking in the house. The only indication that he was family was his bright blue eyes.

“Thorin!” he said excitedly, though his eyes looked murderous.

Thorin put on a hesitant smile and looked back with a nod, “Frerin.”

“How do you do, brother?” Frerin dropped his bag beside and pulled the chair beside Bilbo, putting up his legs on the table.

“I am fine,” thorin said shortly, “you?”

“can’t complain,” he said with a shrug, before turning to Bilbo, “Who are you?”

Bilbo blinked at the rude behaviour, “Bilbo Baggins.”

“Bil-bo Bag-gins,” Frerin said as if giving the name a try. He then turned to Fris, “Did you adopt a kid when we were gone? Were you that lonely?”

“Frerin!”

“Excuse me!” Bilbo said shortly, “I am not a child.”

“No?” Frerin said, looking up and down at bilbo, “Well, true. You do have a nice arse.”

Thorin glared holes in Frerin’s head as Bilbo spluttered. Fris swatted the other man on his head.

“be nice,” she scolded, “this is Thorin’s friend.”

“Friend?” Frerin said with a grin, before turning to Thorin, “friend?”

“yes,” Thorin said through gritted teeth.

Frerin frowned, turning back to Bilbo, “So why are you here, friend?”

“For Christmas,” Bilbo answered shortly, not looking at Frerin.

Fris leaned down and whispered, though it was quite loud, “his parents passed away.”

Bilbo tightly held his hands, glaring at Thorin. Frerin’s mouthed and ‘o’ before turning to bilbo with what he probably thought was a kind smile.

“Well,” Frerin said, extending his hand, “Welcome to the family Christmas. If you don’t run away before the 25th, you will be officially family.”

Both thorin and Fris scolded Frerin, But Bilbo, against their judgement, found shaking hands with the other man.

Thorin remained quiet, glaring at his brother while Bilbo and Frerin hit it off. Bilbo told Frerin about his job as a Professor while Frerin recounted tales of working overseas. Though it looked like a friendly conversation for most parts, there was an underlying tension in the air.

Fris passed out cookies and Hot chocolate, which seemed to be spiked. Bilbo quietly bit into a cookie as Frerin went on to talk about his adventures in the Alps. It was then that the bell rang.

The mood instantly changed. Everyone turned sober, looking around in contemplation. Frerin pulled down his legs, sitting straight on the chair.

“that must be Dis,” Frerin said shortly.

“yes,” Fris nodded, smoothing her pantsuit, “I will get the door.”

Thorin nodded, and so did Frerin. Bilbo watched Fris go out nervously. He looked at the brothers with a raised eyebrow, but all he got was a half-hearted smile.

Time seemed to slow down. They heard the door open, but there was no noise otherwise. Not a sound. Then, there was the sound of footsteps, and both Frerin and Thorin seemed to brace themselves.

A young man, with bright golden hair, came into the room. He wore a jumped and looked around in interest.

“You are not Dis,” Frerin said pointedly.

The boy snorted, shaking his head. He moved aside to let another young boy, someone younger than him come in. He had raven black hair, like that of Thorin’s. He looked more excited than the older one, taking in everything hungrily. The golden-haired one held the raven head one’s hand and glared softly at him.

The next moment, someone who could only be Dis walked in.

“Before we begin,” Dis said, “my pronouns are she and they and right now I prefer they. If there’s any nonsense from any of you, I am walking out.”

Bilbo gulped. He understood why everyone had quieted down. Dis seemed like a force to be reckoned with. They stood the tallest among everyone, towering over Fris. Their black hair was shoulder-length, and bright red lipstick on their lips. They wore a jumper and pants and was glaring at everyone. Even bilbo.

“Of course, my child,” Fris said, somewhat shortly, “Thorin, Frerin would you not greet your sibling?”

“Of course Mother,” Frerin said shortly, looking up with a strained smile, “hello Dis.”

“hello Frerin,” They said with a nod, “hello Thorin.”

The hello to thorin sounded like a threat. Thorin looked up, looking like a scared mouse, “hello Dis. How are you?”

“Well,” Dis said shortly, before pulling the two boys close to them, “this is Fili,” they said pointing to the golden-haired boy, “And this is Kili,” to the younger boy, “they are my children.”

Frerin waved to the two kids, and they waved back.

“My pronoun is he,” Kili shot up with a smile.

Fili rolled his eyes, “So are mine.”

There was a somewhat awkward silence, which Bilbo could not bear. It wasn’t that big a deal for God’s sake.

“Hello,” he chirped up, getting everyone’s attention, “Bilbo Baggins, He/him. It’s nice to meet you Dis.”

Dis frowned, looking at Bilbo, “Same. Though I do not know you.”

“He is an orphan,” Frerin chirped up.

Everyone glared at Frerin as he shrugged, “What? He is.”

“that’s not an introduction,” growled Thorin, before turning to Dis, “he is my friend.”

“Friend?” Dis asked with a raised eyebrow.

“yes.”

“huh,” Dis turned to look back at Bilbo, “Nice to make your acquaintance, I suppose.”

Fris decided that it was enough, “Oh why don’t you all settle down here? I will show you to the rooms in a while. There are cookies here, feel free to go crazy on them boys. I will go get your father.”

With that, Fris was gone. Dis ushered their children on the seats close to Thorin and then settled down two seats away from everyone else. They seemed to be trying to put a huge distance between them all.

It was Frerin who spoke, “Vili ain’t here?”

Dis shook their head, “No. A last-minute project came up.”

“pity,” Frerin said easily, “I liked her.”

“She is not dead,” Dis said, glaring at him, “She will be here for Christmas.”

“Noice.”

Dis grunted, looking back down on their hands. Kili gently pulled their sleeve, and Dis’ expression changed instantly- turning into a soft one.

“Yes, Dear One?”

“may I have a cookie, Amad?” he asked.

Dis smiled and ruffled his hair, before pulling the plate close, “Have as much as you want. You too Fili. Your grandmother said it’s for you.”

The two boys immediately jumped on the cookies, and Bilbo couldn’t help but smile at the display. It was always so nice to be a child- no worries, only fun.

“Amad?” Thorin looked at Dis questioningly.

Their face hardened again, “yes. DO you have a problem?”

“Of course not,” Thorin said hurriedly, “Just...interesting choice of words.”

Dis snorted, “our entire linguistic system is made up on a gender bias, and I am not going to fall under those predetermined ideals.”

“Noice,” said Frerin, mouth open to display a half-eaten cookie.

Dis scrunched up their nose, “For God’s sake, you haven’t changed, have you?”

Frerin shrugged, “Why should I? I am perfect the way I am.”

“A perfect fool, sure,” Thorin grumbled.

“Say whatever you want, brother,” said Frerin, picking up another cookie, “I get to have the best of both worlds.”

Two sets of footsteps came closer to the room, and everyone stiffened. The three siblings sats up straight, not looking anyone in the eye. Bilbo looked around confused, and the young boys looked similarly confused. When they turned to look at Bilbo in question, he shrugged.

A man who would perhaps be the shortest in the family walked in. Now, he was by no means short- just shortest in comparison. His grey hair and beard was something akin to Thorin’s. His upper half of the face looked like Frerin’s, and the jaw shape like Dis’.

It was their father, Thrain.

“Children,” he said like a commander, and everyone sat up even straighter. Fris elbowed the man. He glared at her, before sighing and putting up a smile which looked foreign on his face.

“Children,” he said more softly, and everyone began to frown. He came up to the seat that would be that of the head of the table, “I am extremely happy that you have all come home for Christmas.”

“We both are,” Fris chirped in with a smile.

“yes,” he said shortly, “Dis, I am glad you accepted the offer.”

“Thank you, father,” they said shortly, “As I said before, my pronouns are they. I would be glad if you used them.”

Even as they spoke, there was a hint of fear. Thrain frowned, but another nudge from the elbow had him nodding, “of course, of course. Thorin, thank you for coming.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he said mechanically, and wasn’t that a weird sight?

“Frerin,” Thrain finally turned to his youngest child, “how are you?”

“Alive,” Frerin said with a slight smile, “Though not out of my own choice.”

As everyone turned to look at him concerned, Frerin groaned, “it was a joke.”

“Not funny,” Dis reminded him.

“Whatever,” Frerin said, crossing his arms.

Thrain hummed, before turning to Bilbo, “you must be Mr Baggins.”

“yes Sir,” Bilbo said with a pleasant smile. He was too far away to shake hands, but decided on nodding, “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Thrain smile,d but it looked as if someone had forced him to suck on a lemon, “pleasure’s all mine.” He then turned to the boys, “And who must you be?”

Fili and Kili looked up, looking somewhat scared, “Fili, and Kili, at your service!”

To that, Thrain had an amused smile, “Very well, Fili and Kili. I am pleased to meet you.”

Dis had a soft smile on their face, “they are my children.”

“Well behaved, I see,” Thrain said with a condescending tone, “Well then, it’s good to be here.”

It would have lapsed into another awkward silence had the doorbell not rung and the dog not barked. Fris and Thrain shared a concerned look, while the siblings looked around in confusion. Kili was getting excited at the prospect of a dog while Fili tried to calm him down.

It was Thrain who went out, and Fris who attended to the people.

“now,” she said, somewhat nervous, “you might remember your grandfather.”

“A hard man to forget,” mumbled Frerin.

“Indeed,” said Fris, unable to catch on the sarcasm, “now, you must remember him as the head of the family. Well dressed, always strict and all of that. However, he is changed.”

Dis snorted, “Sure.”

“no, no, I am being quite honest,” Fris said urgently, “thror has changed a lot. And, well, I don’t how to explain. You shall see.”

For the first time since they had all come together, Dis, Thorin and Frerin shared a glance where all of them seemed to agree on something.

Bilbo was not sure what to expect. He had seen a picture of Thror- he looked like a man who had fought in a World War and was the epitome of discipline and all things right. So when the man entered with a leash in his hand, to say that he was surprised would be an understatement.

“Children!” he said delightfully, earning everyone’s attention. However, whoever saw him had their jaws dropping. Dis looked like they were going to have a seizure, Thorin like someone had told him that Santa Claus was not real and Frerin as if a simple knock on his head would have him tumbling down.

Thror was nothing like his picture. To begin, his beard was white and short, much like Thorin’s. His hair, however, was a mohawk and bright blue. He wore a Black Sabbath T-Shirt under a leather jacket, and his black jeans, from what bilbo could see, had all sorts of chains and pins possible. He pulled out his jacket and lo behold, there was a tattoo of a rose and a key on his left arm, and a mountain on his right,

“Grandfather?” Frerin said, almost unbelievingly.

“call me Grandpa, my dear boy,” Thror said with a laugh that was akin to a Santa Claus laugh, “It’s great to see you. Derian!”

“Dis,” Dis said, somewhat confused, “my name is Dis.”

Thror frowned, “oh, forgive me, dear. That’s something I must have forgotten. My memory is not the best. Anything else?”

Dis looked shocked at that, but spoke up, “Um, yes. My pronouns are they.”

“All right!” Thror said excitedly, clapping his hands. A bark had him distracted for a moment, where Thorin mouthed, ‘What the hell’ and Frerin shrugged, his eyes wide in surprise.

A giant black dog, a German Shepherd, came bouncing inside the room.

“Ah, Freya!” thror said with a smile, “this is your grandmother, children.”

“I beg your pardon?” thorin looked ta the Dog, and then at his grandfather.

“yes, yes,” thror said with a smile, “My darling Freya’s soul resides here. She keeps me happy and she keeps me company. Don’t you darling?”

In response, the Dog licked thror’s face and began to wag its tail.

Bilbo was barely able to hide his snort. The next few days were going to be interesting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am writing Dis as a genderfluid character, but I am afraid I will mess them up. I hope I have not messed them up. if you find anything problematic, do let me know. 
> 
> Also, I don't intend to make Thrain evil in all my stories, but he just seems that way.  
> Don't forget to tell me what you think?


	3. Revelations, and Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin tells Bilbo of what happened, and Bilbo has a first-hand experience of the dynamics of this mad family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. I am not sure what can be problematic but I do realize how sensitive things can be. So do tell me if something goes off.
> 
> I take criticism, and I entertain all views. But I will not stand for discrediting someone's identity or invalidating a group of people. People make creative choices in their works, as have I. If there's something wrong or inaccurate about my portrayal, do let me know, but I will not accept any sort of hate comments about anything or anyone. 
> 
> With that out, Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you had fun and enjoy this time!
> 
> EDIT: 24/01/21
> 
> Sooooo...I will be taking a break. For a while. A few months at the very least. Will be writing, hopefully, in that time. keep leaving your lovely reviews, and this story should be finished by upcoming Christmas. Sorrrry!

Lunch was the most awkward thing Bilbo had to ever suffer through, and he had attended some rather extreme conferences as a Professor.

Thror sat the seat assigned for the Head of the table. He was smiling and constantly talking to his Dog, whom he lovingly called ‘Frey’. The Dog definitely enjoyed the attention. The German Shepherd was quite motherly if Bilbo was being honest. She (if one could truly delve into the gender binary and thrust it upon a dog) kept wagging her tail as Thror fed her. She kept looking at everyone, and somehow despite the height difference between her eye level and the table’s height, she knew whenever someone’s plate was empty and nudged them to take more. Young Fili and Kili enjoyed the attention and even offered her some of their own food which she accepted gladly.

Thrain and Fris sat on either side of the man, each awkward in their own right. While Thrain barely spoke, Fris was trying to lighten the mood. She would just not stop smiling, and though no one responded very enthusiastically, she continued to talk over everyone else. Thrain kept looking at his wife. Bilbo was not sure what expression the man wore.

Next to Thrain sat Fili. The young boy and his brother, who sat across from him continued to smile and giggle as Freya made her way around the table and they ate. They were perhaps the only one who enthusiastically talked to Fris- about their school, sports and friends. There were moments when Kili would almost accidentally say something and Fili would glare at him.

Then came the three siblings and Bilbo himself. He sat beside Frerin who looked extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing. Across him, Thorin looked like someone had forced him to suck on a sour lemon and Dis looked like they were going to hit someone. Bilbo tried to converse, but the replies were clipped and formal.

When lunch finally came to an end, Bilbo thanked God. Dis took their sons and disappeared upstairs, Frerin all but ran to what he assumed was his and Thorin’s rooms, Thrain disappeared to god knows where, Fris went on to the kitchen counter and Thror was off with his dog.

Thorin looked at Bilbo with wide eyes, all but pleading him to do something- anything. Bilbo hid a small smile and turned around, clearing his throat.

“Mrs Durin?”

“Fris,” she reminded with a smile.

“Fris,” Bilbo said, “I, um, wanted to take a walk. Is it safe?”

Fris frowned, “Well, yes, but you don’t know the area.”

“I can take him!”

Thorin’s answer came even before Fris had finished her sentence. She blinked, unsure.

“Are you sure? You haven’t been around either.”

“Unless you have changed something within the estate...”

“No,” Fris said thoughtfully, “All right, go bundle yourself up! It’s very cold out there. And be back by tea!”

Thorin ignored the shouting in favour of running away. Bilbo exchanged a somewhat awkward but kind smile with Fris before disappearing himself.

Ten minutes later, Thorin and Bilbo were at a respectable distance from the house and Bilbo was glaring at Thorin.

“I am sorry,” he mumbled, crouching down enough that he looked almost as tall as Bilbo.

“You have a lot to explain,” hissed Bilbo, his gloved hands inside the pocket of his jackets, “But first and foremost, what the hell?”

“You think I know?” Thorin whispered shouted, looking back at the windows, “That was very awkward.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” mumbled Bilbo, pulling Thorin away. The backyard was huge, with a few feet of the open field before opening into a small orchard. While most trees were covered in snow, it did give Bilbo and Thorin some privacy.

Thorin sighed, clearing one of the benches and patting the seat beside him. Bilbo glared at him, but when thorin pulled out his puppy dog eyes, he relented with a roll of eyes. Even though they were hidden, Bilbo kept a distance from Thorin.

In return, Thorin pulled himself closer to Bilbo. Bilbo sniffed, before moving aside, putting more distance between the two. Thorin shifted again, a mischievous smile forming on his face. Bilbo glared at him from the corner of his eyes and shifted again, almost on the edge of the bench. Thorin shifted, their bodies touching.

“Thorin! I will fall!”

“Then stop shifting!”

Before Bilbo could say anything else, Thorin all but pulled him into his lap. Bilbo yelped, hitting Thorin which only elicited a laugh.

Unable to fight off the smile, Bilbo gave in and pressed his forehead to Thorin’s, “You are insufferable.”

“You still love me,” reminded Thorin.

Bilbo hummed, “All right, Mr Durin, what the hell is going on?”

Thorin sighed, pulling back, “Where do I start?”

“Beginning would be a nice place.”

Snorting, Thorin wrapped his arms around Bilbo’s waist. He kept quiet, and Bilbo sat patiently.

“We weren’t always like this,” Thorin began, slowly, “Grandfather was a very strict disciplinarian, and Grandmother was at best a host. From what I remember, Father’s relationship with his parents was formal and very different. My mother, as you saw, is quite...a warm person. So the three of us, well, we had a distant father a loving mother. But that wasn’t enough.”

“What happened?” Bilbo asked softly.

Thorin sighed, “Dis...was the oldest. They were supposed to inherit the Company, not me, and was trained for the same for the beginning of their life.”

“That’s good?”

“No,” Thorin shook his head, “Grandfather called Dis...Derian, if you remember?”

Bilbo nodded.

“That...was the name given to them on birth,” Thorin said, hesitating a bit. He looked up at Bilbo, “The family celebrated the birth of a son.”

“Oh?” Bilbo frowned. It took him a moment, but soon the realization dawned on him, “Oh!”

“Yes,” Thorin said softly.

Bilbo looked back, wondering if he could see Dis. It felt wrong, not hearing their story from their own mouth, but he doubted they would be interested in sharing anything with him.

“Is that why you haven’t talked to them in years?” Bilbo asked, flabbergasted.

Thorin nodded, looking ashamed, “When they came out, Grandfather disinherited them, and when they told us that they were in love with a woman, well, you can imagine how well it went.”

“Where the hell were you, Thorin?” demanded Bilbo.

“I was here,” Thorin said slowly, “But I was young and...well...”

Thorin groaned, pushing himself away from Bilbo. He buried his hands in his hands and mumbled, “It was foolish, and I was easily swayed by whatever my parents said. I am not proud of it, but...”

Bilbo snorted, “Well, it’s no wonder Dis was trying to kill you with their glare.”

It was weird, watching Thorin like that. While he was no social worker, and definitely did not speak as loudly about gay rights as Bilbo did, Thorin was definitely not the one to keep quiet. To think Bilbo and Thorin had met at a pride, here Thorin was shouting with Dwalin and being open and proud.

“I would not blame them,” mumbled Thorin, “Frerin still talks to them as far as I am aware, and it helps they have the age gap of more than a decade.”

“Right,” said Bilbo, “What’s the case with Frerin, by the way?”

Thorin made a sad whale-like noise, “I...okay this is more recent and I would understand if you hate me after this.”

“What did you do, Thorin?” Bilbo asked sternly.

Taking in a deep breath, Thorin said, “He came out as bisexual a few years ago. Grandmother was sick so Grandfather did not care, but Father was...well, angry.”

“Tell me you supported him, please!”

“I...did not.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Bilbo stood up, glaring down at his boyfriend.

Thorin looked up seriously, “It’s not that I did not want to, all right? I was confused about my own sexuality at the moment and Frerin was in deep shit, considering he had been in touch with Dis. It got mad!”

“He is your brother!”

“I know,” groaned Thorin, “I was close to him. For Peter’s sake, I was close to Dis before it all went to shit as well. I looked up to them. But when it happened...my parents needed someone.”

“So you became the scapegoat?” demanded Bilbo, arms crossed, “Oh God, is that why you haven’t come out to them?”

“I kept my distance, all these years. I did not come home. I could finally breathe when I was not here,” Thorin said mournfully, before looking up at Bilbo, “Look, I have seen first hand how they reacted to two of their children coming as queer. It wasn’t going to be any different for me!”

Bilbo opened his mouth to retaliate but shut it down. He knew how it could get, he had seen the drama. Groaning, Bilbo sat back on the bench.

This was shitty at best.

* * *

“ _I told ya it was going to be spooky_.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes, not that Nori could see it. He had the earphones plugged in, and was scrolling through his feed as Nori continued to say, “ _Mr Grouchy was always sus. I should have known.”_

“He is dealing with his own issues,” Bilbo pointed out, “Wouldn’t you support him?”

There was a sharp inhale from the other side of the line. Despite their somewhat distaste for each other, Nori and Thorin had a very good bond. Weird, yes, but good.

“ _Doesn’t change the fact that it’s spooky,”_ said Nori, “ _You should ditch him for the brother.”_

“I am not ditching thorin for his brother,” Bilbo scrunched up his nose. He did not have anything against Frerin, but he was so not his type, “Plus. Nobody here knows that I am gay.”

“ _What?”_ came Bofur’s voice, and the next second he was saying, “ _How can they not know you are gay?”_

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“ _Bilbo, you are a twink.”_

Bilbo glared, “That’s...offensive.”

“ _Oh shut up!”_ Bilbo could imagine Nori grinning, “ _You know you are.”_

“Nope, and if you are going to say something weird about Thorin, shut up.”

Bofur snorted, “ _You are the straightest gay I know.”_

“That’s homophobic. I can’t believe my gay roommates are being homophobic to me.”

Both Nori and Bofur giggled from the other side, and Bilbo found himself smiling. He was already missing the two men.

“ _Whatever,”_ Came Nori’s sing-song voice, “ _How’s the brother, is he hot?”_

“What?”

“ _Can we invite him over,”_ asked Bofur, _“As in, you know?”_

“Oh my God,” groaned Bilbo, “No, no no no! I am not telling you anything about Frerin.”

“ _Frerin?”_ Bofur giggled, “ _See Baggins, this is why we keep you. I am sure there are not many Frerins on social media.”_

Bilbo cursed his stars. The last thing he needed his friends to stalk Frerin.

“Could you not?”

“ _Now you have given us the whole thing on a platter,”_ cackled Nori, “ _You aren't gonna get out of this.”_

“ _Oooh, found him. Holy shit, he is hot. Bilbo, you sure you don’t want this one?”_

Groaning, Bilbo blew out a raspberry. His friends laughed, and Bilbo could only wonder how this was going to turn out.

* * *

The breakfast was served in turns. Bilbo was the first one to wake up and entered the kitchen to find a cheery Fris singing Christmas Carols.

“Oh Bilbo!” she looked at him with a smile, “Good morning!”

“Good morning,” Bilbo said with a smile, “Am I late?”

“Late?” Fris asked with a laugh, “The Durins never wake up on time.”

“Don’t I know it.”

It took him a second too long to realize what he had said. When he looked at Fris with what he had hoped was an innocent smile, Fris was frowning.

“Whatever do you mean?” she asked, still smiling.

“Ugh, well,” Bilbo gulped, looking around, “Thorin and I, we, um, we,”

“Yes?”

“We went on a trip,” he said, “With my friends, and his. Our friends, that is. It was, so much fun.”

“Oh really? Where did you do?”

Bilbo wanted to hit himself. So bad.

“A cottage,” he said, begging to the God above to help him make up a story, “In the woods. Close to, um, my hometown. The Shire.”

Fris looked interested, and that was bad, “When was this?”

Bilbo racked his brain for any time Thorin was not talking to his mother. Which was hard, because even though they did not talk regularly Thorin and Fris exchanged pleasantries every two months.

“Three years ago?” Bilbo asked. As Fris frowned, Bilbo said, “Yes, yes, three years ago.”

“How wonderful.”

Fris did not ask anything else after that, and Bilbo felt air rush back into his lungs. He took the English breakfast served to him and took his time. 

Thror was the first one down. He looked at Bilbo for a second too long, before saying, “You are not one of my grandchildren, are you?”

“No,” Bilbo answered honestly.

Thror hummed, “too bad. You look like a good grandson.”

Bilbo was not sure how to interpret that. He looked at Fris, but she looked as lost as him. Thror took his breakfast and his dog’s food upstairs, not to be seen until lunch. 

Next came Thrain, who greeted everyone with a grunt. With a cup of tea in hands, he disappeared too, leaving the kitchen mostly empty. 

Thorin came next, eyes half-closed, shirt inside out, hair tousled. Oh, what Bilbo wouldn’t give to run his hand through those locks. 

Frerin was just behind his brother, rubbing his eyes.

“Morning,” he said with a yawn.

Thorin grunted, “You are too loud.” 

“Fuck you Thorin,” Frerin grumbled, taking a cup from the counter, “Your snores kept me up all night.”

“I don’t snore,” mumbled Thorin, dropping his head on the table.

“You so do,” said Frerin, dropping his head on his mother’s shoulder, “Morning mum.”

Fris smiled and patted her son’s cheeks, “Morning Frerin. Godo morning Thorin.”

“Morning,” yawned Thorin.

Fris tutted, “You boys keep your tongue in check. And Thorin, get up.”

Thorin mumbled something incoherently. Fris made a displeased noise. Bilbo took a sip of his tea. He was well aware that it would take at least another house for Thorin to fully awake. Before he could say anything though, Frerin came around and kept the cup of hot tea on Thorin’s exposed neck.

With a high pitched yelp, Thorin sat back up. As Bilbo almost choked on his potatoes, Frerin grinned and took a seat beside his brother.

“You fucker!”

“Blow me!”

“Children!”

Bilbo snorted in his cup.  Thorin glared at his brother before pulling his neck into a throttle, Frerin grabbed Thorin’s hair and yanked hard.

“I will kill you!”

“I would like to see you try, you bloody menace!”

That was the scene Dis, Fili and Kili walked into. Bilbo was looking at the brother, not sure whether to intervene or not. Fris looked shocked, her hand covering her mouth. Fili and Kili looked excited, but Dis merely rolled their eyes.

As the brother continued to fight, and Fris shriek, Dis took a deep breath and stepped in. Cracking their knuckles, Dis pulled Thorin and Frerin’s ears.

The result was immediate. Both the brothers let out a scream and tried to pull back, but Dis’ hold was strong. They looked bored as Thorin and Frerin yelped.

“Leave it, please!” begged Thorin.

Dis looked down at him, “Would you stop being a child?”

“Yes,” cried Frerin.

Dis shared one look with their mother before leaving the two men alone with their hurt and throbbing ears. Thorin looked like he was ready to cry, while Frerin was nursing his ear.

“Cool!” Kili said with a smile.

Dis glared, “Not cool.”

Kili pouted, turning to look at Fili. The older boy took back a step, raising his hands, “I am not doing anything of that sort. I don’t want Amad to mutilate my ear!”

**Author's Note:**

> Pleeeease Review!


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